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December 17, 2009
Fond Memory, Christmas Past
I know we all have them. Memories that so willingly pop up at this time of year - some quite charming and cozy, and some that we wish would just go away.
Sometimes it is just the pace of life in general... when life becomes slightly weird and chaotic, crossing over that line of the absurd... like people nay-saying global warming, or the American healthcare system getting even worse – what?
Over all, there does seem to be a general melancholy during the Christmas season that heightens with all of this hype and hysteria to buy… something between frantic consumerism and the inability to fill a curious emptiness – not forgetting a thoroughly stressed budget.
While some may be going into hiding at this time of year, other seemingly, happy souls completely fall into ‘Christmaslandia’ - a kind of fantasy state with twinkling fairy lights lacing their heads and the view of everything they see. I think this is when extreme holiday decorating takes place... a ritual surrounding of oneself into this inventive vision... maybe a place that serves to give some form of needed escape... after all, who does not love Christmas lights?
This may not be such a bad place to be, and I am certain I have been there many times myself… especially through childhood. Of course, this was not without difficulties - too many expectations and plenty of disappointments. I am certain the first one led to the second in most cases… maybe all. And then there was loss.
I am not really going to belabor sad moments, I promise. Many of us have experienced extreme loss, and often this time of year brings these emptier moments of our lives into focus. It is hard for many of us to remember those we love who have passed without some sadness, and this is the time of year when family and friends hopefully gather and share their love… the true meaning of giving. Easy to see why we feel the emptiness when some of them are no longer here for us – with us.
I have also experienced such losses, but thought of one that recently made me smile with a joyous memory, even though many years have passed since. I was not particularly close to my aunt – my father’s older sister. She seemed a bit intimidating to me… kind of serious-quite and perhaps judgmental, but this was my young insecure mind’s perspective. She often traveled to far off places, bringing back the exotic and mysterious, which captured my interest a great deal. In all, she was always nice to me, just had a personality a bit sharp around the edges, and a little sad underneath. From the family rumors, stories and dysfunctions I recall, I believe she carried a lot of weight on her shoulders. I am sure it was not an easy life for her.
In spite of all she was and all she endured, her inner child easily grasped something fun and meaningful that she just had to share with this often-fragmented family – even our usual awkward differences seemed to move aside. Every Christmas she presented to us all a large, old box which had been pulled out from storage somewhere, just for this occasion... her coveted Treasure Chest!
All through the year she would buy the varied collection of dollar and two dollar items (imagine what a dollar could buy from mid 1950's to mid 60’s) to add to this assortment of goodies that everyone looked most forward to receiving. Who would think that such simple little items could completely capture us all in this fun game of chance, as she passed them out randomly to the eager group?
You may open your gift-wrap to find a pink shower cap, or a pair of men’s argyle socks. Maybe a nice retractable ballpoint pen, or a box of vibrant crayons. How about a wooden back scratcher... those that had a small hand attached to the end? Maybe a jar of martini olives, or a pair of women’s nylon stockings. Could be some child’s earmuffs under that wrapping, or a box of orange golf balls – the kind a serious golfer uses when shallow snow covers the ground (my beloved father).
This is when it really became absolute merrymaking! A furious trading took place, and it was most comic to see the faces beaming with excitement and laughter. The whole episode was quite contagious, to say the least. I should say that the laughter began as soon as each gift was opened, as the item often did not match the person opening it. Nothing was funnier than seeing a grown man opening a frilly shower cap, or a small child unwrapping a can of shaving cream!
Everyone dropped their differences in this child’s game. How wonderful this memory! She created this chest for us every year… for many years. Never tiring of doing this, it must have given her such joy to shape this fun event... to see our happy faces and hear our infectious laughter. It certainly has left a very fond memory for this particular member of this once large family. She has long been gone from this earthly plane, but she continues to bring joy to my heart as I remember a brief time each year when we all just enjoyed being together.
Thank you, Aunt Jane, wherever you are.
Posted by kay at 05:14 PM | Comments (0)
December 12, 2009
Saint
He stands alone
inside a carved niche
glowing in candlelight
seeming to move
with the dancing flames -
they glaze the gold-leaf
edging his fine clothing.
She dreams he will save her
waving his bold sword
the blade arcing moonlight
as it strikes a deadly blow
killing the heinous -
those that come in the night
when sleep tries to settle
a restless spirit.
His formidable wings
extend around
wrapping her form
in a silken sleeve.
She smells a sweetness
and hears familiar
breathing.
Sunlight streams in
to solicit her awake...
she sees
dripping melted wax
has hardened to his feet.
Posted by kay at 11:30 PM | Comments (0)