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December 28, 2007
Spirit of Christmas
It felt so strange this year... like there was this unexplainable void in the air. Of course, there were plenty of signs to say otherwise. Lots of colored lights on homes and other buildings, and the usual heavy traffic that builds up to an enormous frenzy as the last possible moment of shopping time came to a close.
It just didn’t feel like Christmas to me, even though I had some very good family time both Christmas Eve and Christmas day. This is not to undermine those loving experiences, as they were quite full of good food, good conversation and the usual fun, but sometimes-awkward gift exchange.
Without exception every year, Christmas seems less like it should, whatever this really means. Oh, I am not actually talking about the whole religious take on this experience, but more the kind of ‘Spirit’ that has developed because of this most universally celebrated birthday. Something about encouraging our ability to have faith in the unbelievable... that magical goodness that surely exists in our world.
Recently I was browsing the multiple cable channels for that ever-so-played-classic-movie, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’. I know it has been shown so much that many feel it has nearly been crammed down their throats, but I do love this story and the charming way it is told in it’s ancient black and white format. The idea that we may have the chance to see just how valuable we are in the grand plan of life... to know we really do make a difference. It involves getting down to the bare surface and seeing just how much we love and are being loved... actually bringing to mind how wonderful life really is.
So, I was searching for this dreamy experience, getting ready to recite some of the lines and come to tears near the end, knowing I’d be left with the feeling that it is all worth while. I knew full well this film would show up somewhere at some point these last few days, and I would feel fully restored in my need for warm and cozy Hope.
Now, it is not like I sit in front of the TV all day, but I often watch a small bit in the mornings, and perhaps some afternoons, and often a bit more some evenings. Usually it is my most favorite down time, which might be slightly pathetic I suppose, but nonetheless, this is the truth. At any rate, much to my absolute surprise and disappointment, I could not find this cult film anywhere on all of these too numerous channels.... nowhere to be found!
What? ... Why?
Isn’t it always understood that it will be shown many multiple times during the Christmas Holidays? We have been trained to look for it year after year, and now we are to go cold turkey? Maybe I am reading too much into the vacancy of this movie, but it does seem to coincide with a much larger vacancy.
In all of our endless spending to find some sort of satisfaction or needs fulfilled, we often come up feeling emptier inside, and this sad truth is even more evident during this time of year.
There was also this lack of light... particularly in my home, as I did not get it together to hang one light this season. Lack of time was my main excuse, as a few projects had run into each other leaving less than a week before Christmas to do any shopping or decorating. Decorating... it sounds so funny for something that left such a void.
It definitely felt dark... cold... not the usual comfort that the little, sparkling lights bring into picture. Not to mention the ever-so –loved Christmas tree. I have such fond memories of the trees we acquired over the years. There were different circumstances that influenced our decisions about each tree... usually it was lack of money. My financial abilities were tight while raising two boys on my own, so we did various and usually creative things each year.
One stands out, as I am still reminded of that Christmas every time I walk out of my front door. I had bought a Norfolk Island pine in a garden container one year. It was quite small, but affordable and very much alive. I was happy about this as I always felt some sadness at ending the life of a tree so that we could put it in our living room for a few weeks of enjoyment. What a sacrifice! I never felt I could do it enough justice.
The little Norfolk Pine was set onto a small table, as we proceeded to crowd it with ornaments and lights... it looked more like a shrine to the Christmas tree, which worked well for us. Now it and 2 others grow in my front yard, standing nearly 10 to 12 feet tall. In some way it feels like I made up for the killing of all those other trees, but I know that really couldn’t be.
I do love the smell of the fresh cut tree... the wonderful aroma of those pine needles that always get stuck in every crevice of your home for months after the tree is long gone.
Two years ago, I built a tree out of dead branches that I painted gold. I placed them into plaster and put the whole finished conglomeration on top of a favorite chest of drawers. I was able to put all of my treasured ornaments and lots of white lights onto the structure. I so loved the look and feel of this hand made tree that I left it up the entire year till the next Christmas, which was last year, when I finally took it down after the 1st.
I think one thing is quite clear to me, and this is that bringing light and life into our lives is crucial... especially at this time of year when darkness comes so early and living things seem to stop growth altogether. It is the Spirit of Light that I have so desired and missed. That wonderful, luminous brilliance that brings clarity to lack of understanding, and warmth to the coldest of hearts. It doesn’t have to be Christmas to realize the importance of this Spirit, but it certainly has made it’s home in this... the Spirit of Christmas.
Posted by kay at December 28, 2007 02:08 AM