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September 02, 2007
An Introspective
It has been a good two months since my solo art exhibit opened.
At first I was just exhausted from all the preparation, and felt completely justified in choosing not to paint for a while. My studio began to gather dust, and it was not the good kind, which accumulates from all the woodcutting I do for each piece I create. No, this dust is the kind that slowly creeps into a room that obviously is lacking in activity.
There were countless reasons for doing other things… visiting my friends for lunch, working at the gallery, watching TV, spending time with my partner, spending time with my sons, going grocery shopping, going shopping anywhere, walking the dogs, playing with the dogs, taking a shower, going to yoga class, answering emails, surfing on the net, cleaning the house (this has its’ own set of excuses), doing laundry, organizing something, calling a friend, calling my mother, calling my sons, crying, laughing, eating, sleeping, watching more TV and of course, writing something. Anyway, this list can go on eternally, I am sure.
It is funny how we block ourselves in one way or another, in order to fulfill something else in our lives. It may not be so obvious what that something else is, but it will happen when it needs to happen, regardless of our level of awareness.
Even when I have obligations, I lately find myself slipping on my response time to follow through with these important issues.
I am in the middle of some sort of sluggish cycle, where I apparently seem to want to shut down temporarily to re-establish my energy and my reason. Some of this is an introspective that human beings need at various moments of their lives, and artists seem especially prone to this. This kind of time is what allows us to produce a new outlet for our creative venue. It does give reason to our sense of purpose and our need to communicate it with others… to bring it out into the world. Like a female bear who sleeps deep inside a cave through the winter, she eventually emerges with one or two healthy cubs. She processed new life while she laid motionless and in a symbolic introspect.
I know that I have many things approaching as the year progresses to its’ end. A diversion has developed which will certainly take me out of my usual routine for a few months, and this is part of my reason for feeling so out of the flow. However, I realize that everything happens for a reason, and events in my life are no exception to this rule. The difference for me now is that I don’t fight the mood so much anymore.
If I feel my body telling me something, I try to listen with greater care, instead of moving away swiftly to somehow ignore the message. This goes without question for my spirit as well, as I have become aware of its’ primal connection with a much higher and very loving source. I am more trusting of these signals and the intuitive inner voice.
I will paint soon enough, and the continuous flow will just be refreshed and invigorated. Until then, I will take each moment as it comes, and know that I am growing anew all along the way.
Posted by kay at September 2, 2007 10:11 PM